Poem 189

Mesmeric beautiful and melancholic, I channelled this from somewhere out in the ether in ’84 or ’85 and then later pulled it in to become the closing speech of Polythene Pam – in fact the framing of the whole play in that she comes on hyped up to give this (resignation) speech, loses her nerve, can’t do it, deflects and distracts into the stories and stream of consciousness that follow until that collage of pressing on bruises inexorably returns her to the grief state, the deep longing sadness (and sense of resignation) that impels these final words …

… it will always be Rebecca’s voice I hear when I read this, the fusion of the two of us – my lines, her enacting and embodying them …

… someone dreams themselves into an endless afternoon in the gardens of sublime balance and unity (just a perfect day as Lou Reed would have it) but finds death intruding (et in arcadia ego – ‘even in paradise I am’) and experiences even that fingernail of mortality as intolerable …

… maybe if this was the only poem I ever wrote it would be enough …

Warm Afternoons

Two weeks after I became ruler of the world 
I began to notice some changes
men began to wear less clothes 
and women to exhibit that mercury smoothness in their dressing 
that had eluded them previously

the weather changed in such a way 
as to make a warm shower at about three thirty
in the afternoon most days 
entirely acceptable
this rain particularly nourished water lilies 
and behaved on the open spaces of water as if the carp 
had become small and were surfacing 
in excited competition 

these showers inevitably cleared at four fifteen when opportunities were afforded 
to watch the birds feeding on the lawns 
making the most of the damp ground
at this time the light was of such a colour and quality as to be warm 
even in the thin sheeting of precipitate water which quickly adapted itself 
to its surroundings 
old and twisted trees pines oaks and mangroves 
held honour 
while younger willows and elms showed both symmetry 
and flexibility

these things satisfied me that processes were under way 
though I had taken no steps myself
it occurred to me that my acceptance of the role of ruler 
had altered the balance and set 
these changes in motion
I decided to do nothing 
as long as the pattern was smooth 
preferring to oversee 
rather than to intrude my will

this remained the same for fifteen years

wherever I went the patterns of men and women 
of birds of trees and the lightness 
of the afternoon shower 
served to remind me of the world’s unity

then I found the waterlogged body of a thrush 
in a fountain
I was tempted to do nothing and for some time 
this was my predominant emotion

this morning 
things were taken out of my hands
beneath the trees amongst the pine humus I uncovered
several bonelike slivers 
and then unmistakably 
the small angular skull 
of a bird

it is for these reasons 
fellow citizens of the world 
that I must offer 
and you must accept 
my resignation