Poem 425

From The Nightdress … a lively duet for Mary Pratt and child Constance aged six or seven (her lines in italics) … Constance’s mother is an invalid in failing health, Mary Pratt is employed as a nurse for the children but sets her sights on becoming lady of the house … she’s already secretly sleeping with Constance’s father Samuel while Constance’s older brother George is besotted with her … taking advantage of Mrs Kent’s illness Mary becomes increasingly mocking and disdainful of her and makes an amusing game of it with Constance (referring to her mother as a certain someone) encouraging her to join in – something Constance will bitterly regret after her mother’s death, her guilt and rage then festering into a thirst for vengeance as Mary Pratt succeeds in becoming the second Mrs Kent and gives birth to the half-brother Saville who Constance will murder in a calculated and cruel infanticide …

… this true story from stifling Victorian England is awash with bodily flux and effluvium – blood semen shit and urine – and I wanted that to permeate the songs and drama, representing everything the Victorians attempted to ignore and suppress but that would inevitably bubble to the surface … The Sound of Music this is not …

( I like the bouncy rhythm and loose rhyme … the whole point is Mary Pratt is energetic engaging and comical in her mockery and we watch her skilfully suborn a child into becoming contemptuous of her own mother … I particularly like the two stanzas where Mary manipulates the all-too-willing Samuel with a display of caring and lively capability then casually dashes the hopes of the hapless George … )

A Certain Someone

Someone's got themselves all aerated
despite the doctor's orders
took exception to her breakfast
or perhaps to who brought it

Someone didn't like her egg
so now the wall is wearing it
someone's thrown a little tantrum
and flown into hysteria

Who could it be
I can't really say for certain
you know who
and you know me
the very soul of discretion
but I'll tell you this for nothing
it's lucky I'm good at ducking

A certain someone
a certain someone
is flapping her gums again
when that someone's in high dudgeon
the fun  
               the fun never ends

Now I'm not asserting that certain someone 
is anyone you should know
but if it rings a bell
or has a certain smell 
well I didn't tell you so
it's only a game
I mention no names

A certain someone
suffered fourteen pregnancies
has a wee problem
be more careful when you sneeze
I'm not a wet nurse nanny
oh my head my heart my private parts
well I say my Aunt Fanny! 

Now I'm not asserting that certain someone
is anyone you might know
but if it rings a bell
has a certain smell
well I didn't tell you so
it's only a game 
I mention no names

Who's bedridden
has to be hidden
from decent folks
who'd only make jokes
see the madwoman!

What's she ever done
but flap her gums 
abusing me accusing me
of everything under the sun
or rather 
                 under the father 

Good morning Mr Kent
you look like you've slept
as warm and content as a baby 
and may I say you're as fresh today
as the proverbial daisy
please allow me to straighten your tiepin
the crease of your collar too
really you're worse than the children
you need someone to look after you

Come now Master George
you really have no cause
to go giving me a look
such as that
as my mother always said 
Mary Drewe Pratt
if you go fishing fish for mackerel
not for sprat

A certain someone
a certain someone
with cuckoos in her nest
a certain someone
a certain someone
laid an egg in her nightdress

A certain someone
a certain someone
someone funny in the head
a certain someone
a certain someone
you be my mother instead