Poem 500

A bit of a character as the saying goes … sometimes as a poet I made a good playwright, sometimes the other way round …

Guppies Ate My Wife

Well that's a bit of an exaggeration
but nothing worse than you read in these papers
on a Sunday
                            you see
my wife couldn't understand my guppies
couldn't understand why I wanted
all my tanks of them
and bowls and jars
overflowing cupfuls
and my paddling pool out the back
                                                                          (solid silver
rainbow guppies you could strip off get in there
and have all your tensions soothed away
like one of those baths with holes in
but cheaper on the power)

guppies are relaxing
she just never dropped to that
                                                            personally 
I couldn’t wait to get home
turn the lights off and watch
those iridescent guppies breed

she said it was her or them
when I ripped the insides of the tv out
for an aquarium
                                  she left
got a flat above an all night tattoo artist
I used to sneak round there
leave a guppy in her bed
she divorced me
citing mental cruelty
and produced a dried guppy in court
which forensic evidence traced back to me

yeah those were the days
mad guppy times

I liberated the lot in the finish
started getting into stamps
it was the end of an era
but you can't afford to stand still
can you?