Poem 152

Just for laughs …

… those mathematically minded enough to notice that this list only totals thirty-four might be surprised to learn that the Paul Simon song can only muster a measly five ways to leave your lover …

Fifty Ways To Kill Your Lover

Run him over in the van Jan
connect him to the grid Astrid
shoot her in the head Jed
drown her in the bath Prendergast
leave him to catch something in the rain Jane
smother him with a pillow Willow
stab him where his neck is Alexis
put a rock in a sock Brock

enter a verdict of accidentally Bentley
leave on the gas Cass
hit him with a mallet Janet
don't donate your kidney Sydney
wax all the stairs Clare
don't wake her when she's sick Mick
hide all his pills Jill
push her in a cold lake Jake
drop him in the sea Lee
                                                  and set yourself free

bury her alive Clive
hire a hitman Joanne
try a bit of poison Susan
lead her up the path Garth
rip out the phone Joan
scare her to death Jeff
don't let him get away May
no need to confess Tess
just stand on his tube Ruby
                                                           now listen to me

kick him in the spleen Jean
fake a heart attack Jack
set the house alight Dwight
whack him with a spade Jade
dig a shallow grave Maeve
paraquat in the sherry Mary
booby-trap the weed eater Peter
claim on the insurance Laurence

well …
             didn’t think you had it in you
             Virginia