Poem 383
Another song from The Nightdress … this is a duet sung by the young children’s nurse Miss Gough and the father of the family Samuel Kent and is all about the regret of not connecting and not taking opportunities for a full emotional life … Miss Gough is riven by guilt that she didn’t wake the previous night when her young charge Saville was taken from his cot beside her bed but more particularly that she didn’t allow herself to fully love Saville because she had already experienced the painful loss of another child in her care from scarlet fever … she sings this alone in her room in the grieving household beside the empty cot …
… Samuel by contrast sings this as he’s drawn to her door but dares not go in … in the complicated family set up (that Samuel’s weaknesses are mainly responsible for) his second wife Mary Pratt, the mother of Saville, originally entered the household as nurse to his older children but quickly became his lover then wife when the first Mrs Kent died … Detective Whicher who is investigating Saville’s murder has suggested that Samuel might be repeating this pattern and be currently involved with Miss Gough … Samuel angrily denies this and in fact is telling the truth but – as we learn in this song – he was tempted and there was at least one moment when something might have happened …
… on this terrible night of misery both Samuel and Miss Gough are left comfortless, aware of each other but trapped either side of an impassable door … I like the fact that it’s a duet of yearning but separation and that it’s about regret at not taking a risk and following your instincts, in Samuel’s case of not having an affair …
( I really like the structure and the rhymes of this and the melancholic bittersweet emotion … it’s a beautiful moment (musically and lyrically) of impure purity in a story which is more often about people tormenting each other … )
There Was A Time
Miss Gough: There was a time I flung my arms around the world every bonny baby every boy and girl but I paid a frightening cost burnt by hurt and loss and oh my golden child I turned away when I might have smiled If I could have that time again I'd tear up my caution take back my hesitation live for a moment's sunshine your face beneath the curtain of my hair There was a time there was a day what might have been but I looked away there was a time there was a moment a door I might have opened a door that now is closed inside of me Samuel: There was a time I flung my arms around the world every flash of eye and toss of hair unfurled but I paid a heavy price burnt I learnt to think twice and oh my golden child I turned away when I might have smiled If I could have that time again meet your gaze with mine unafraid not hesitating live for a moment's sunshine my face beneath the curtain of your hair There was a time a chance of light but I put my feelings to flight held tight to what was right but if I'd danced my heart into wrong tonight would I feel stronger more able to go on Both: I should have answered you yes and yes again oh my defenceless man no comfort from my hand and none that you can give to me There was a time but time moves on it flowers then it's gone there was no flower of we two just a seed that never grew our little dwindling hour disappearing out of view I just wanted to say I'm sorry wanted to say tomorrow I'll be moving on with barely a memory I just wanted to say I'm sorry wanted to say tomorrow I'll be moving on with barely a memory But tonight oh tonight I so badly want you here with me