Poem 383


Another song from The Nightdress … this is a duet sung by the young children’s nurse Miss Gough and the father of the family Samuel Kent and is all about the regret of not connecting and not taking opportunities for a full emotional life … Miss Gough is riven by guilt that she didn’t wake the previous night when her young charge Saville was taken from his cot beside her bed but more particularly that she didn’t allow herself to fully love Saville because she had already experienced the painful loss of another child in her care from scarlet fever … she sings this alone in her room in the grieving household beside the empty cot …

… Samuel by contrast sings this as he’s drawn to her door but dares not go in … in the complicated family set up (that Samuel’s weaknesses are mainly responsible for) his second wife Mary Pratt, the mother of Saville, originally entered the household as nurse to his older children but quickly became his lover then wife when the first Mrs Kent died … Detective Whicher who is investigating Saville’s murder has suggested that Samuel might be repeating this pattern and be currently involved with Miss Gough … Samuel angrily denies this and in fact is telling the truth but – as we learn in this song – he was tempted and there was at least one moment when something might have happened …

… on this terrible night of misery both Samuel and Miss Gough are left comfortless, aware of each other but trapped either side of an impassable door … I like the fact that it’s a duet of yearning but separation and that it’s about regret at not taking a risk and following your instincts, in Samuel’s case of not having an affair …

( I really like the structure and the rhymes of this and the melancholic bittersweet emotion … it’s a beautiful moment (musically and lyrically) of impure purity in a story which is more often about people tormenting each other … )



There Was A Time

Miss Gough:

There was a time I flung my arms
around the world
every bonny baby every boy and girl
but I paid a frightening cost
burnt by hurt and loss
and oh my golden child
I turned away when I might have smiled

If I could have that time again
I'd tear up my caution
take back my hesitation
live for a moment's sunshine
your face beneath the curtain of my hair

There was a time
there was a day
what might have been
but I looked away
there was a time
there was a moment 
a door I might have
opened
a door that now is closed
inside of me


Samuel:

There was a time I flung my arms
around the world
every flash of eye and toss of hair unfurled
but I paid a heavy price
burnt I learnt to think twice
and oh my golden child
I turned away when I might have smiled

If I could have that time again
meet your gaze with mine
unafraid not hesitating
live for a moment's sunshine
my face beneath the curtain of your hair

There was a time
a chance of light
but I put my feelings
to flight
held tight to what was right
but if I'd danced my heart into wrong
tonight would I feel stronger
more able to go on


Both:

I should have answered you yes
and yes again
oh my defenceless man
no comfort from my hand
and none that you can give
to me

There was a time
but time moves on
it flowers then it's gone
there was no flower
of we two
just a seed that never grew
our little dwindling hour
disappearing out of view

I just wanted to say I'm sorry
wanted to say tomorrow 
I'll be moving on
with barely a memory

I just wanted to say I'm sorry
wanted to say tomorrow 
I'll be moving on
with barely a memory

But tonight
oh tonight
I so badly
want you here with me



There Was A Time